I got pulled over today on my way to work and given a $75 ticket because I was going 46 mph in a 35 mph zone. I'm amazed he let me continue into school -- surely I can't be trusted around children! What if I were to apply the same insane speeds to my speech rate? Or to my walking style? I might kill someone, going that quickly!

C'mon, Madisonians -- who the fudge goes 35 on East Wash? Willy Street, okay. Regent, fine. But give me a break -- East Wash? What the flood? Grind gnash spit.

Speaking of impossible-to-believe bollocks, how about these marketers who want magazines to place ads in the editorials? I can't make this stuff up.

I hope I don't need to tell you about the ruckus around Iraq's new flag.

TimeWaster™

How about Bush wiping his glasses on someone's shirt?

Today I'm listening to: Mitch Hedberg!