5,000 pounds of used grease has been stolen from a suburb of Oklahoma City. Life imitates Simpsons!

Police in Edmond, north of Oklahoma City, said on Thursday the grease bandits have hit an area of Mexican, Chinese and steak restaurants over the past three months. . . . The restaurants were planning to sell the grease to a recycling company and the total value of the stolen goods was about $380.

Glynda Chu, a spokeswoman for the Edmond police said the bandits had a good idea of how to get money in the used grease market, but she thinks it odd that anyone would put so much effort into making off with so much cooking byproduct.

Eyewitnesses report that the father-son grease bandit team claimed they were "exchange students" from "North Kilttown" but that they didn't know "Angus McCloud."

Ahh, sometimes it's hard to believe. (Wipes away tears of laughter.)

Attack of the Killer Cicadas

Parents, beware -- swarms of cicadas will be emerging from their 17-year hibernation this spring. Although the insects are not dangerous, their presence apparently constitutes a serious threat to children.

a boy trying to swat a cicada out of the air with a baseball bat instead hit his friend in the nose. . . . The final straw came when another child hurt his hand trying to squish a cicada under a car's tires. . . . "We had a stab wound to the arm from a kid who was trying to kill a cicada on the arm of another child but unfortunately he was using a knife," Baker added. . . . "Another kid tried to kick one under a lawn mower and cut his foot. . . ."

Now I don't want to be cruel or insensitive, but isn't it possible that these kids are just stupid? Why are we blaming the cicadas for these bonehead actions? Hey mom -- maybe you need to teach your kid about the danger of using a knife to swat bugs on your friends' arms! Why is this dingbat allowed near sharp things in the first place? Now the bugs are getting a bad rap because some moron 7-year-old tried to destroy a living thing under his lawn mower and got zapped by the universe. It's called karma. Maybe it'll teach the kid a lesson.

Imaginary Girlfriends


Speaking of pathetic idiots, what kind of sociopathic loser do you have to be to pay money for an imaginary girlfriend? $45 for two months appears to be average. (Each imaginary girl has her own rate -- oh wait, no .. they're real girls but not really available to date.) I can't remember the last time I prayed so hard that something was an elaborate joke. Oh wait -- it was when I heard about Method and Red.

MAKE IT STOP!!

TimeWaster™

Stairway to Heaven -- Hidden Satanic Lyrics. No, I did not check it out for myself. You do it.

Today I'm listening to: Digitally Imported!