Oh, boo hoo! Seems like everyone wants me to cry them a river these days. As an American, I have precious little sympathy for the suffering masses of Earth -- but it seems everywhere I look, some other group of shlubs wants me to feel sorry for them.

Boo hoo! So 20 years ago Union Carbide (now owned by Dow Chemical) caused a massive explosion in Bhopal, India, killing over 7,000 people. Big deal! That doesn't mean Amnesty International has to go picking on Dow Chemical for no reason! Besides, I don't have time to read all of that mess. I need a Quicktime video to watch instead. Pic swiped from Greenpeace.

Never mind about all that -- Best Buy is offering free shipping on many items! Who needs reindeer? There's only a few shopping weeks until Christmas.

Oh, boo hoo! So your house arrest was extended for a year. That's no reason to bum me out, Aung San Suu Kyi. I'm supposed to get all broken up because the oppressive government of Burma is keeping you locked up?

How can I pay attention to such depressing stuff when the new PS3 chips are being unveiled?

Boo hoo, Chilean torture victims! Just because you were tortured horribly by a US-backed dictatorship, does that mean you deserve all that financial compensation? Hey, I got mugged in the park three years ago -- maybe I should ask the government to pay all my bills, too!

I can't waste my time thinking about that stuff; I need to hurry up and order a pet staircase from SkyMall™. How else will my tiny dog be able to get up on the couch?

Oh, boo hoo -- so today's the anniversary of the Sand Creek Massacre. So what? That was, like, over a hundred years ago. We can't do anything about it, so what's the point of knowing about it?

Now here's some real news -- the 10-disc Ultimate Matrix DVD set is out. Hoo-yeah!

Boo hoo! So we may have committed some war crimes in Iraq. That's no reason to bring charges against Don Rumsfeld and George Tenet, for crying in the bucket! Lousy outside-agitating Center for Constitutional Rights.

What Americans really need isn't some stupid war crimes trial against our secretary of defense. What we need is a Spycam Remote Control Hummer! (I swear I'm not making this up.)

Boo hoo -- so you lost the election. Would you quit complaining about it already, Noam Chomsky?

it means little to say that people vote on the basis of "moral values." The question is what they mean by the phrase. The limited indications are of some interest. In some polls, "when the voters were asked to choose the most urgent moral crisis facing the country, 33 percent cited `greed and materialism,' 31 percent selected `poverty and economic justice,' 16 percent named abortion, and 12 percent selected gay marriage" (Pax Christi).

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some important work I need to do.

TimeWaster™

Learn Yiddish with Dick and Jane. "See Jane schlep. Schlep, Jane, schlep." via ABS.

Today I'm listening to: Coltrane!