What The Teacher Is

The American public school teacher is a unique species in the social world. Nowhere else can be found a parallel set of directives, impulses, and objectives.

You are my student. What, then, am I?

• I am not your friend. I want you to be happy, but I am not here to make you feel good. I want to help you make sense of the world, but I won't hold your hand when you're having trouble, and I won't always be there for you. I need to give you the tools you need to make me unnecessary; friends do not engineer their own obsolescence. Neither do friends enforce rules on one another, or perform interrogations.
  
  
• I am not your parent. I spend a lot of time with you, and I have many life lessons to teach. But I've only known you for a short time, and I probably won't be in contact with you when you graduate. I have a duty to teach you right from wrong, but our limited time (and my limited resources, as well as requirements from the administration) mean that I have very little influence on you in this regard. Besides, at the end of the day I go home and have the luxury of forgetting all about you.
  
  
• I am not your boss. Despite the most eager efforts of business leaders to recreate the school as a pre-work institution, you are not my employee. I evaluate you like a boss does, but no boss wants the employee to supercede him. Ours is a relationship not of production and/or mere service, but of mutual development and humanistic evolution.
  
  
• I am not your comrade. While we need to support each other and strive together toward enlightened consciousness, we are not instrinsically linked by ideology. I have loyalties which must (once in a very scarce while) come before my devotion to you. For instance, I gots to get paid. Taking action which would benefit you but jeopardize my job is not an option (except in extremely rare circumstances).
  
  
• I am not your coach. I want to bring the whole class into the End Zone of Knowledge, but there really is no team, and there is no way of winning the game. I have drills I can put you through, but when all is said and done, education is but a dance between you and the books; I'm just in the way. While I expect you to give 110% for our sport, I can't kick you off the team if you fail to meet my expectations.
  
  
• I am not your warden. While many students think of school as a jail, I have much more to do than simply keep you from leaving the room. Lock and key won't work to open minds; a healthy democracy, indeed, requires the antithesis of imprisoned brains. Further, the repressive state apparatus is not in my toolbox (though it is of course ready at hand if I need it).
  
  
• I am not your lawyer. I advocate for you, but there is no confidentiality assumption, nor is there a third party for me to mediate. I will approach you with respect and trust, but I do not represent you, nor do I try at all times to exploit small opportunities to achieve a shortcut positive result for you. (Indeed, quite the opposite, much of the time!)

Thus, I am None of the Above. I am a guide, a path, an elder -- lesser than the student, and greater. Not so happy, yet much happier. (Sound familiar, CompEng students?)

Et Cetera

Just for the record (since the newspapers and radio reports aren't saying this enough: It is considered a great insult in Islam to depict Mohammed's face in any form. Some people seem to think the recent brouhaha is centered around how He has been depicted.

In other news: Happy birthday, Mark! Here's your [expletive] Publix Sheet Cake!

TimeWaster™

Why have I suddenly become so enamored of Minesweeper? Well, enjoy the online Flash version (space=tag).

Today I'm listening to: David Cross!