Earlier this week, Deviant Synapse received its 100,000th visit. Woo! I had a bookmark with the SiteTracker info, but apparently it's not a hard-link, so I can't find exactly who it was. But I remember the person had found us by searching for Jordy, that French tyke who just keeps on giving. Zut alors!

3D Go has always been by biggest draw, but I suppose this thing of mine is grabbing a few eyes too. Of course I'd like to thank all of you who stop by on a somewhat regular basis; I must be doing something right to make it into the land of six digits.

It must be my trenchant, erudite musings about HalliBush Wars, Inc. -- about which I haven't written for months.

HalliBush Wars, Inc.

Imagine this: You and I are driving in a car. I start to talk about how my car won't hurt the old woman on the sidewalk if I drive into her. "The salesman told me I'll just bounce off," I say. You try to convince me this is lunacy. I drive the car into an old woman, breaking her legs.

After the medics have rushed her to the hospital, I try to explain very patiently how I'm not to blame because I truly believed that I wouldn't hurt the woman if I drove over her. Besides, I go on to say, if anyone is to blame, it's the car salesman who convinced me that I could drive over old women without hurting them.

This is about how much I care about whether or not Bush and Rumsfeld really believed that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. It doesn't matter what they thought! They were wrong, and those of us who were pleading for sanity were ignored! Arrest the morons who drove over the old woman!

I also think it's ridiculous for Bush and his brethren to swagger around proclaiming how certain they are that their illegal wiretapping was legal. Gee, does that mean I can rob a liquor store, and then -- by sheer force of confidence -- will my actions into legality?

Idiots Reporting on Idiots

Speaking of stupid people: You may have seen the story about how stupid Americans are when it comes to the First Amendment vis a vis The Simpsons:

Half of 1,000 Americans randomly surveyed by the McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum could name at least two of the five members of Fox Television's Simpson family, the stars of the network's long-running show.

But just 28 percent of respondents could name more than one of the five freedoms listed in the U.S. Constitution's First Amendment -- about the same proportion that could name all five Simpson family members

Obviously, I am deeply saddened by this news and, frankly, ashamed to be an American when I hear it. Only half of all Americans can name two Simpsons!? And only twenty-eight percent of us can name all five? What's wrong with you people!? Are you on drugs or something??

But here's the funny part. Look at how Reuters put it:

Some participants displayed comical ignorance such as the 38 percent who believed the right to self-incrimination -- "taking the 5th" in lawyer lingo -- was granted by the First Amendment rather than the Fifth.

Uhh. Please, please, please correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the Fifth Amendment provide us with the right to abstain from self-incrimination? Who's comically ignorant now, punk?

Pic swiped from the archive of newspapers and magazines maintained by the good people at Simpson Crazy.

It's All About the Words

In the past month or so I've become supremely fascinated by the phrase "I'm just sayin'." It's meant to be some instant remedy for any discomfort or outrage shown by the person to whom you are speaking: "I think all feminists are lesbians." (look of horror on face of other person) "I'm just sayin'!"

As if pointing out that one's words are only words (and not what, actions?) miraculously ameliorates the hideous ignorance / stupidity / prejudice / whatever contained within. Indeed, Adolf Hitler could have saved himself a lot of stress and scrutiny had he simply ended his book this way:

May the adherents of our movement never forget this if ever the magnitude of the sacrifices should beguile them to an anxious comparison with the possible results.

PS. I am just saying.

It's like "just kidding". People say the most outlandish, offensive, hideously revolting garbage imaginable, and then make it all better by throwing on "just kidding". And then you can't get mad! They're only joking. Now if they remained stern and said "I'm completely serious," then you'd be justified in expressing outrage. But so long as they're "just kidding," then you are the jerkwad for finding their asinine commentary unpalatable. (Note to Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney: Just tell the parole board you guys were "just kidding". They'll be required by law to show leniency.)

I'm just sayin'.

TimeWaster™

Sandman, bring me a dream. I didn't even watch it. I just need something here. Flying spatulas -- great.

Today I'm listening to: New World Groove 01!