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Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Thank You For Not Being An Unfunny Moron 

So I called MicroNet (from whom you should never buy hardware) to find out when my hard drive is going to get here, and this is the brilliant conversation we had:
MicroNet Tech: Hello, tech support.

Me: Yes, I sent you a hard drive to--

Tech: (cutting me off) We threw it away. (long silence as he waits for me to laugh) So what's the RMA number?

Me: Uh, let me pull up the letter. (pause as I open the letter I wrote them)

Tech: That's too long for me to wait. I had coffee at lunch, and the boss said I shouldn't, because it's not good for customer service. (long silence as he waits for me to laugh)
He eventually gave me all the shipping info and thanked me for calling.

I can't stand people saying things that aren't funny, and thinking that they are funny. Shut UP, you moronic shlub! Grr! And while we're on the topic of People Who Should Shut Up -- the next person who simply reads back a t-shirt to me will get attacked with a weed whacker.

I have a shirt that says "Hey, I Ordered a Cheeseburger!" It comes from an old Far Side cartoon wherein four people are looking at partially-filled glasses of water. The first one says "It's half full!" The second one says "It's half empty." The third one says "Half full -- no wait, half empty. Wait, what's the question?" And the fourth one says "Hey, I ordered a cheeseburger!" So when Garrett and I were at the shop late one night and he asked me what I wanted on my shirt, that's what I told him.

Yeah, it's a strange shirt. You wanna ask me about it? Fine. You wanna give me a weird look? Okay, no problem. You wanna light up and say "Far Side!" like that one guy (the only one to ever recognize it) in the burrito shop in Austin Texas, excellent. But what is the freaking purpose of reading it to me?

Possible thoughts going through this person's addlebrained head:
  1. This guy doesn't realize what is written on his shirt. I'd better inform him so he can keep better track of what's been printed on his apparel.

  2. I can't believe my eyes. Perhaps if I recite to this man what I see, he can correct me when I reach a mistake.

  3. I can't read without moving my lips. I also can't read without speaking aloud everything I read.

  4. By federal law, I must announce to the world that I'm a braindead shlub, and this is the easiest way to do it.
What's that? The picture? I found it when I GoogleImaged "not funny". It's from LostBrain.

I, Robot is Going to SUCK!

If you haven't seen the trailer for I, Robot, the new movie starring Will Smith and "suggested by" Isaac Asimov's classic book of the same name, prepare yourself to vomit in terror. That they have the nerve to keep the name shows the utter contempt they have for both Asimov and the viewing public. Fortunately, I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Burn, Hollywood, Burn!


The Picture of Everything doesn't really have everything (for instance, I don't see Snake 'n' Bacon), but it's pretty cool.

Today I'm listening to: RadioPrank, which is funny. ("Batman?")