That Dubya -- what a card!

After being introduced by Health and Human Services Secretary Mike Leavitt, who only the day before had been confirmed by the Senate, Bush quipped, "He's been in the job 15 hours, and he hasn't made any mistakes yet. A good start."

The crowd of 500 thought that was funny. Bush moved on.

"I want to thank the governor of the great state of Ohio for joining us," he said. "The last time I saw (Bob) Taft, he was dancing on the stage at an inaugural ceremony. He's about as lousy a dancer as I am."

More laughs. He was on a roll. Next he ribbed the doctors, whom he likes to call "docs."

"We've got fantastic new pharmaceuticals that help save lives, but we've got docs still writing records by hand. And most docs can't write very well anyway, so ... "

The laughs drowned out the rest of the sentence.

Ah, man. Excuse me while I clench my gut with helpless peals of hilarity. Who cares because he's a war criminal who brags about he doesn't even read the newspaper? He's a regular "just folks" kinda guy, just like me! (TPCQ: "Oh, you caught me mending my fences. One of the many things I like to do here at the ranch.")

Pic swiped from here.

Other

Stupid doves -- leave the Pope alone while he's praying for peace!

Big ups to Nappy Diatribe. Even if Eric B & Rakim deserve to be in the Top 10 Hip Hop Groups of All Time. (But they did get #1 correct.)

Don't eat the yellow snow -- but if you're trapped under an avalanche, creating some may save your life. ("See, mom? I need that keg in case I'm trapped under an avalanche!")

This weekend Diane and I saw The Assassination of Richard Nixon, based on the life of Samuel Byck. Talk about your depressing flicks! We should have gone to see something more lighthearted, like maybe Hotel Rwanda! (Can you play "Six Degrees of Don Cheadle" here?)

TimeWaster™

Bing! I'm a guinea pig. Very cute. And stupid.

Today I'm listening to: HBR1 (Dream Factory)!

They are armed and on the way. Get ready!

The Special Weapons Observation Reconnaissance Detection System, or SWORDS, will be joining Stryker Brigade soldiers in Iraq when it finishes final testing, said Staff Sgt. Santiago Tordillos, a bomb disposal test and evaluation noncommissioned officer in charge with the Explosive Ordnance Disposal Technology Directorate of the Army’s Armament Research, Development and Engineering Center at Picatinny Arsenal, N.J.

“We’re hoping to have them there by early 2005,” Tordillos said. “The soldiers I’ve talked to want them yesterday.”

The system consists of a weapons platform mounted on a Talon robot, a product of the engineering and technology development firm Foster-Miller.

Fortunately, all heat-packing droids will be programmed with Directive Four to prevent them from accidentally arresting the wrong people.

Other

Yes, you can compare apples to oranges.

Mmmm, Big EKitKat.

TImeWaster™

Play Panicball! It's like BrickOut. In fact, it's exactly like BrickOut. (TPCQ: "And the difference is ...?" "It's a much bigger pill.")

Today I'm listening to: The new Banco de Gaia. Irregular, but very nice in places.

Thanks to the many individuals who have hipped me (after I saw it on FoxNews, alas) to the item about Debbie -- excuse me, Deborah -- Gibson appearing in the upcoming issue of Playboy. Why does this concern me? Because she's a recording artist. For those who don't know, Ms. Gibson is a recording artist. And she's involved in a lot of political garbage. Do it yourself. Spirit.

And what better way to do it yourself than with a Leadsinger All-In-One Portable Karaoke Microphone?

This Microphone is endorsed by Deborah "Debbie" Gibson who says the Leadsinger is "the best portable entertainment ever!"

Insert inappropriate joke about the aforementioned E! Online News article here.

TimeWaster™

I think Garrett was trying to get people to do this State Placement Game a while back. I got a score of 84%, average error of 32 miles. It took me 213 seconds.

Today I'm listening to: Coil!

Hey, how about that? I made it around the sun again. It's been a good day -- I woke up beside the woman I love; I conducted day two of my first ever creative writing class; I got a lovely card from my Go club students (not the one pictured at right; that resulted from a Google Image Search of 'birthday simpson'); and I got a lovely email from a former student telling me how much she enjoyed my class. And now Diane's making a lovely special birthday dinner for me.

Oh yeah -- and last week I got a really stupid moron book from Garrett. Thanks a lot there, jerky! (TPCQ: "Is there something wrong with you? You say you wanna put a thousand chickens in a taxicab?")

Lessee, links... I know I have something around here worth posting. Hmm.

Oh yeah! If you're looking for some new wallpaper (for your computer, dimtwit -- not your bathroom), check out DeviantArt. That's where I found this cool Matrix wallpaper. They also have a Firefox Matrix wallpaper, for some reason.

Is this picture of Max too freakin' cool or what?

I was on a hunt for that really long word (you know -- "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" -- hey, look, I can spell it without looking now), and I was given a link to this page about the big one and others which come close. (Did you know that "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" is in the OED?)

Hey, look -- Adventure, that stupid pseudoRPG from the Atari system, is online. Why on Earth was I so into this game?

TimeWaster™

But that's not even the TimeWaster™ -- here's the TimeWaster™: Japanese cat flash thing! No, it makes perfect sense. See, the cat's in a box, then it eats a steak, and then it's dancing around. Then they're writing on the guy's tongue. What doesn't make sense? Thanks, MoFi.

Today I'm listening to: Groove Salad!

Hey, I fianlly got the pictures from my trip to Florida up on Imagenary. Enjoy!

I calculated that this past week, I graded over 600 pages of student writing. In one week! So now that semester 1 is over, I'm taking the entire weekend off. Doing nothing but playing Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. It's really sweet, even if it does rip many things right out of Ico. The thing I like best about it (PoP) is that it stays true to the original. (Yes, it looks like UbiSoft has made the entire classic game available online in Flash format!) You're still stepping on plates to open doors, avoiding spikes and whatnot, but it's a much bigger game, and it's in 3D. (And you can run up the wall.)

But before I get back, I have some items to share. First: The good people at the Center for Constitutional Rights (the same people who helped East Timorese civilians sue Indonesian Vice Chief of Staff Johny Lumintang) have slapped Donald Rumsfeld with charges of war crimes, forcing him to cancel his trip to Germany. Ha, ha!

I really can't believe we're seriously considering invading Iran. Well, it's like they say -- those who don't know the history of the last three freakin' months are doomed to repeat it like stupid addlebrained morons!

Austria is mad at Arnold. What a bunch of girly-men.

How freakish -- cross-breed animals. Shudder!

And don't miss infinite Hasselhoff. Man, I can't wait for his hip-hop album to drop!

Or, if that's not weird enough for you, how about Romeo and Juliet as documentary? He should have been in my 9th grade class last year so he could hear the students ask "How stupid! Why didn't he wait a day?"

And finally -- bunny suicides is grim and sad, but very funny. I think the Noah's Ark one is my favorite.

TimeWaster™

What, Prince of Persia wasn't enough? Okay, then -- you can watch Pie Hole. Brilliant!

Today I'm listening to: Quincy Jones and Bill Cosby -- the Remix Version. I think it's a hit. (Thanks, C&G.)

So the know-it-all UN thinks we can end global poverty by 2025? What a laugh! That would mean those of us in the imperial societies would have to give up our SUV limos and plasma flatscreen high definition teevees. So forget it, you pathetic proles.

According to the report, one billion people live on a dollar a day or less, many of them going to bed hungry every night; life expectancy in the poorest countries is half that in high-income countries. And every month, for example, 150,000 African children die of malaria because they don't have bed nets to keep out mosquitos, a tragedy Sachs called the "silent tsunami."

Oh, boo freakin' hoo! I'll have you know that last week my Coca-Cola Wurlitzer Nostalgic Soda Machine stopped dispensing cans of soda properly. So don't tell me your problems, you stupid TB-infected starving morons.

Look -- they stole my idea. Where's my royalty check!?

Hey, did you know we're secretly planning to attack Iran? Awesome! The last sovereign nation in the middle east we illegally invaded and occupied went really well. Maybe I should visit a recruiting office today, and beat the rush.

Why should people in Aceh be so paranoid about the Indonesian government's plan to put homeless people into resettlement camps? ("which it prefers to call centers" says the article) The last time the Indonesian government did such a thing, it worked out really well.

Today's picture swiped from solar7.83.

TimeWaster™

Thank God there are brilliant scientific minds putting their breathtaking acumen into such important technological achievements as Tall or Not. Now I can tell at a glance whether I'm taller than Kirk Douglas.

Today I'm listening to: Submedia Breakstream. Very nice breaks.

*Except that it actually didn't.

You should check out this page, which features a hilarious series of photos. Well, it turns out the last photo isn't really real. Oh well, it's still worth a chuckle.

Which is more than I can say for Diam online. It's some kind of game, but it's pretty dumb. I guess I bookmarked it for a TimeWaster™ in the future, but -- as I say -- it's pretty dumb. But maybe you'll like it.

Much less dumb is What's Better? Warning -- it's absurd, but highly addictive, for some reason.

Looking for some good OSX screensavers? I recommend Sproingees. Diane will likely enjoy TardisSaver.

TimeWaster™

So you liked Ringu, eh? Well you're sure to enjoy this adorable cartoon featuring Sada (the girl)?

Today I'm listening to: DI! (Who is currently playing a wicked techno remix of "Somebody's Watching Me".) TPCQ: "I dunno, [expletive] came in and bought a Rockwell album." "[expletive] Rockwell! I'm lookin' for the O'Jays!"

I stayed home yesterday with a head cold. I'm still a bit beneath the weather, but I'm certainly on the mend. Also there's some stuff at school bugging me, but I can't talk about that here, so you'll just have to guess.

Anyway, here's some stuff I've been saving in my bookmarks file for the past week or so. Enjoy!

I think we can all agree that if Garrett ever goes into the medical profession, he needs to get himself some Scripture Scrubs.

Stupid Canadians with their cheap drugs! It's just because they don't pay for US drug companies to market -- er, I mean develop stuff. Tom Tomorrow put it best, once upon a time: (Drug company executive speaking) "We have to charge insanely high prices for our drugs, so that we can continue to research and develop new drugs which people will also be unable to afford."

Oopsie! Sorry about the mix-up, Iraqi civilians who had nothing to do with nothing. But c'mon, you expect us to believe we killed 14 innocent civilians? I'll take the word of the US officials who put the figure at 5. After all, the US government doesn't make mistakes. Well, not usually.

Oh, Allan Nairn, where are you? We found your blog, but it hasn't been updated since October of last year! (And you thought I was being delinquent.) Fortunately there's also this article from last week.

Why on Earth did I have this page bookmarked?

I'm not usually a big fan of fantasy art -- Boris Vallejo really sucks, for instance -- but Michael Whelan is pretty cool.

Ban Galileo! Heliocentrism is just a theory.

Pic swiped from Turtle Duck.

TimeWaster™

Play Eyeball Knights! Swing your sword and kill the worms with the eyeballs. And whatever.

Today I'm listening to: Synaesthesia!

I just spent a long time trying to post. I tried to save and Blogger screwed up and I lost it all. I'm way too tired for this [expletive deleted]. I'm going to MUD.

I'll try again tomorrow.

Here's spunky young Alberto Gonzales, applauding Senator Arlen Specter (R-PA) for some reason during his (Gonzales') confirmation hearings today. At these hearings, Gonzales said that the Geneva Conventions -- which he does support, in general, now that he's in the media spotlight -- don't apply to al-Qaida because "they weren't a signatory to the convention". But Article 2 of the Third Convention (which deals with POWs) states quite clearly:

Although one of the Powers in conflict may not be a party to the present Convention, the Powers who are parties thereto shall remain bound by it in their mutual relations.

Correct me if I'm wrong (I'm not a scholar of international law by any stretch of the imagination), but that sounds like we have to abide by the Geneva Conventions whether our enemies have signed up or not. If I'm right, then, this means that Gonzales either:

1. Hasn't read the Geneva Conventions;
   
2. Doesn't understand the Geneva Conventions; or
   
3. Is twisting the Geneva Conventions to suit his ideological goals.

None of these possibilities ought to befit the chief law enforcement officer of the United States. I'd like to see a Hispanic Attourney General as much as the next progressive leftist, but could we maybe get one who's not a pro-torture tongue forker?

HalliBush Wars, Inc.

Meantime, those uppity Lieutenant Generals are whining again.

The U.S. Army Reserve, whose part-time soldiers serve in Iraq and Afghanistan, is “rapidly degenerating into a 'broken' force," due to misguided military policies and practices, the head of the Army Reserves said in a memo released Wednesday.

But this may be the most interesting part:

He also referred to "potential 'sociological' damage” by giving Reserve soldiers an extra $1,000 a month if they volunteer to be mobilized for a second time. Hemly said that this confuses “volunteers” with "mercenaries.”

The Army is depending heavily on volunteers to go to Iraq and Afghanistan, Helmly said, adding that the most likely to volunteer are "those who often enjoy lesser responsible positions in civilian life."

So in other words, poor people getting the shaft in George W. Bush's "economic recovery" are being drawn into the military because they have no other options. What a kooky neomarxist perspective. What's the guy doing in charge of our reserve forces?

Boo for Snow -- Hooray for Snow Days!

I know we have to make it up later in the year, but I was really happy to see that Sun Prairie schools were closed today. (TPCQ: "The following schools are closed today . . . Springfield Elementary . . . My Dear Watson Detective School. And Springfield Elementary School is open. And it's open season on savings at Costington's Department Store, which is closed.") I don't like the nightmarish conditions we'll have to drive on today and tomorrow, but it's nice to hang out in my sweatpants and clean up the apartment and lay out the MASA newsletter and do some occasional MUDding.

TimeWaster™

These pinhole pictures are fun. I don't remember where I found 'em.

Today I'm listening to: Enigma!

I know, I haven't blogged much lately. Sorry -- I'm just freakin busy, okay? And then I come home from a long day of trying to convince teenagers that Maya Angelou is worth reading, and you'll excuse me if I don't feel like doing more work. (I know, I know -- it's not really work.)

So anyway, I took this picture last night while Diane was finishing the last stage of Myst -- it's a jar (I love drinking out of jars for some reason) filled with Sierra Mist, in a room illuminated only by the very strong blue power light of my computer speakers. I thought it was very intriguing, so behold -- I share it with you all.

As for the tsunami: It doesn't look like East Timor was hurt by the disaster, but of course Aceh has been completely devastated. Please read this page for some info on the political background which is complicating everything.

As many as 100,000 people may have been killed in the Indonesian provinces of Aceh and North Sumatra as a result of an earthquake and tsunami that struck the region on December 26. The government initially kept the international community at bay as it apparently debated whether to open Aceh up to foreigners. The province had been almost entirely closed to any international presence due to military operations there. The Indonesian government’s response remains slow and uncoordinated.

If you can, please donate some cash to ETAN or Nonviolence International.

TimeWaster™

Here, play with this. See if you can figure out how to get the black links to stretch. (Yes, it's possible -- I've done it.)

Today I'm listening to: Run-DMC!