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Friday, May 23, 2008

A Fantastic Story 

The pterodactyl gestured with its head. It wanted me to climb on its back. "I cannot believe this!" I cried. It gestured again, as if to nod. It almost seemed to be smiling. Where had it come from? Why had it chosen me? I didn't know – all I knew was that this would be the most fantastic experience of my life.

As I sat across its wings, it soared into the air. The ground fell away and I held on with a giddy rush as euphoria swept through me. Then – even more amazing – the giant lizard bird spoke.

"So," it said in a raspy voice, "where shall we go?"

Stunned, thrilled, and breathless, I said: "I don't know. This is all so tremendous!"

"There's a performance of Bizet this afternoon," it said. "We could go see that."

"Uh," I said.

"Or we could go down to the library and see what new books they've gotten in recently."

"That's really dumb," i said. "Why don't we go fight some other dinosaurs?"

"What other dinosaurs?"

"I don't know. Aren't there some other dinosaurs somewhere?"

"Just my mom."

"Well, let's go fight—"

"We are not going to fight my mother!"

"How about the Blue Angels?" I said. "They're performing today over the state capital. I bet you could take down two or three of them."

It twisted its head to shoot me a confused, angry glare. "You want me to attack a steel jet plane?"

I threw up my hands and nearly fell off. "Well I don't know! Let's do something fun!"

One hour later, we were parked in the uncomfortable wooden chairs of a lecture hall, listening to a 90-year-old bald guy talk about the textiles of Ancient Mesopotamia.

"This sucks," I said.

"Shhh!" the pterodactyl hissed. "I'm trying to hear this."

It was the most boring day of my life.


Apparently a pterodactyl has been spotted in Texas:

Today I'm listening to: The Burnside Project! This video – for a nice song of theirs – is like watching people suck face in front of Koyannisqaatsi.