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Friday, January 16, 2009

False Accusations of Rap 

While grading papers about To Kill a Mockingbird today (can you believe that I actually graded papers on my day off?), I came across one of those amusing student typos that forces you to put down the red pen and giggle for several minutes. Apparently Tom Robinson (right) was falsely accused by the racist Mr. Ewell for "committing rap". Naturally, this led me to imagine a superb alternative cross-examination:
Prosecuting Attorney: Isn't it true, Mr. Robinson, that on several occasions you visited the Ewell home and busted up the show?

Tom Robinson: No, suh, I did not. I only ever busted up a chiffarobe.

PA: But Miss Mayella testified earlier that you dropped crazy lyrics and kept it on 'til the break of dawn.

TR: No, suh. The only thing I dropped was that chair. The only thing I kept on was mah pants.

PA: Isn't it true, Mr. Robinson, that you once told Miss Mayella that you "ain't no joke"? That you "used to let the mic smoke"?

TR: No, suh. It's just Me Against the World. I only ever went into one of the 36 Chambers of the Ewell house, suh. That chiffarobe was about 3 Feet High and Rising. Chiffarobes Rule Everything Around Me.

PA: Isn't it true, Mr. Robinson, that you're now just trying to find lame ways to insert rap titles into this dialogue? And isn't it fair to say that the prosecuting attorney in Mockingbird never called Tom "Mr. Robinson", choosing instead the belittling white-supremacist name "Boy"?

TR: I was thinking, suh, about how "Mr. Robinson" sounds like a reference to The Graduate.

Bob Ewell: Maycomb County ain't nothin' ta **** wit!

Simple directions for making the transition to digital TV.

Today I'm listening to: Freaky Chakra!